While this guy knows he’s not reaching his potential, he’s found a way to be apathetic about it. While he’s distracted, not focused, and not happy, he’s not depressed, so it’s not that bad. He might be a little annoyed, frustrated, or resigned about how things are going at work or home, but he hasn’t gotten fired, his partner hasn’t left, and there is food on the table, so it’s okay.

He’s living just waiting. He’s in this holding pattern of comfort. Anything that could improve his life, he has a reason it can’t be a priority, he’s not interested in it, or it isn’t that important. Part of him is clinging to keeping things the same because it’s comfortable. A little piece of him is curious about what might be possible if something were to shift, but he’s only willing to entertain the idea of it. Choosing it, stepping into it, it will have to wait.

These men are the men who are surprised when their wives suddenly leave. They are the men who don’t get why their kids have no relationship with them. These men are the ones who are surprised when they receive a scary health diagnosis and don’t know what to do. These men are confused when they get passed over for another promotion or laid off. These men don’t want things to change and don’t believe they can have what they want. Or they think that if they were to go after what they wanted, the price would be too much and might destroy what they already have.